And another thing...........

We’ve all seen those people to whom the rules don’t apply.  You know the ones I mean:

• The one that doesn’t need to wear a seatbelt – because “they’re for poofs”.
• The one that doesn’t bother using rubbish bins – because “there’s people paid to pick up rubbish”.
• The one that drives and uses a mobile – because “I need to stay in touch”
• The one that walks its Pit Bull terrier without a lead – because “I’m hard”.
• The one that plays its music at an earth shattering decibel rate – because “it’s my right to listen to what I want”
• The one that parks on double yellow lines – because “I’m only gonna be a minute”.
• The one that rides a bicycle with no lights – because “I can see everything well enough”.
• The one that doesn’t pick up dog sh*t – because “it’s dirty and smelly”.
• The one that walks down the street at 2am yelling its head off – because “I’m awake you w**kers”

For all of these people (and possibly a few others I can’t immediately bring to mind), I have a solution.  If the rules don’t apply, I can exact any justice I feel fit.  For example:

• No seat belt.  Easy one this: scrap the car.  If the driver is still in it – well that’s just plain unfortunate.
• The litter lout.  Easy again.  Whatever you drop, you have inserted into whichever orifice we so choose.
• The mobile user.  Try hands free – that’s where you have your bloody arms chopped off.  Now use your phone; let alone drive the car!
• The dog walker.  You get muzzled, impounded for a fortnight, fed Winalot and then, if nobody claims you, you appear on one of those dozy adverts for dog rescue centres.
• The music player. You have your ears pulled off.  And then your music collection is consigned to the deepest pit in the country so that nobody ever has to listen to that crap again.
• The double yellow abuser.  You toe nails are cut with a chain saw.  This would mean you requiring a disabled badge, but due to the fact that your car is now soup cans, you’ll have to pin it to your walking frame.
• The bike ‘no-lighter’.  You are set alight.  Everyone can see you then.
• The shi*t leavers.  We pick it up – you eat it.
• The 2am yeller.  I personally am allowed (because the rules don’t apply) to come down and smash you around the head with a piece of 4x2 until your ears ring.  I’m then allowed to pull your legs off and beat you with the soggy ends.  Once you’re suitably soggy, I can try and push your face through the drain.

Now you lot chose not to abide by the basic rules the rest of us try to live by, therefore you are exempt from the society we try to create.

You cannot seek the services of the police, the ambulance service or the fire brigade, as these are services that we in a civilised society opt to pay for.

You decided to drop out.  You don’t wish to conform.  You simply don’t want to belong.

That’s fine.  Just don’t have the gall to moan if any of the above should happen to you.