Don't call us..........

Phone rings.

WIFE:  It's for you.  It's the bank.

ME: Hello.

BANK: Hello.  We'd like to discuss your account.  Can you verify you are who you say you are?

ME: Can you?

BANK: We don't need to.  We phoned you.

ME: How do I know that?

BANK: Because we phoned you!

ME:  Ahhhhh.  Yes.  But how do I know you're who you say you are?

BANK: We'd just like to discuss your account.  We're Blah-de-blah Bank.

ME: I'm sorry.  Under the Data Protection Act I'm unable to supply you with that information.

BANK: What information?  We just want to talk to you about your account.

ME: I'm sorry.  Under the Data Protection Act I'm unable to supply you with that information.

BANK: Are you being deliberately obtuse?

ME: I'm sorry.  Under the Data Protection Act I'm unable to supply you with that information.

BANK: You really aren't being particularly helpful.  Can you supply us with your password please, so that we can discuss your account?

ME:  No. Under the Data Protection Act I'm unable to supply you with that information.  I can however charge you £20 for this phone call and any additional charges that may occur by me being on the phone and not watching the football as was previously the case.

BANK: Are you being serious?

ME: Yes.  And if you'd like that in writing, a further charge of £20 will be payable.

BANK: Please contact the bank as soon as possible.

Phone goes dead.

WIFE: What did they want.

ME: No idea.  What's the score in the football? 

And this is why it's never a bright, clever or particularly wise thing to do to phone me whilst the football's on!