Starting again

Blimey.  It's been over 7 years since I last did this! 

I've become very aware of how fast time goes by lately.  I've been off work for 6 months (it's a diabetes/eyesight thing), and now I'm about to return.  The time has flown by and I must confess to wishing this extended holiday could just go on and on and on.  However, if nothing else I'm pragmatic - I know I have to return because it pays the bills!

Now then.  Many things have occurred since my last post.  The most important is probably the fact the my Lottes got married.  It was the most wonderful day where all my emotions finally became public.  I'm not embarrassed by that - in fact I'm proud that people saw first hand just how much my daughter means to me. 

And that's just one of the many, many things I really should have blogged about.  Life seems to get in the way of so many things these days, but I'm determined to put more of my thoughts, notions, annoyances, loves and general observations on this site.

In essence it shall be for Lottes to look back on in years to come.  Hopefully I'll still be able to create memories even after I've gone!

Welcome back.

Keep The Home Fires Burning

She's gone again. 

No sooner does she turn up, shedding long, dark hair all round the house, than she is gone: leaving behind another batch of memories that will see us through until the next time.

Slightly different this time because we actually went and got her, but no less painful for seeing her go.

This time we actually got to go to the Island and 'do' a Wimpy.  This time we 'did' fish fingers.  This time the two ladies in my life 'did' a day shopping.  This time we did an awful lot together.  But what we did most was smile and laugh. 

It was almost like the old days, but the old days always ended with a "Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite" codicil.  This time it ended with a "Phone me when you get home" plea.

We know she's grown up.  We know she's independent. We know she's her own person.  But we also know she's ours.  Always was, always will be.

So forgive me if I sound a little maudlin: it's just that the fires burn a little less brightly just now.

But she'll be back.
From Scotland.
With matches.
To relight the fire.

'Cos that's what families do - bring a little light into each other's lives.

Memories recalled, memories made

It's stupid o'clock in the morning and I've just returned from The Wedgewood Rooms.

My reason for going?   To share some memories with Pete whilst we watched Dirty DC do their stuff. 

OK.  So heavy rock isn't everyone's cup of Ovaltine (possibly even less when it's a Truibute Band doing the crash, bang, thud bit) , but I like it and I paid for the ticket, so that gives me the edge.  (The edge at the wedge?  Sounds like a U2 tribute band!). 

I first saw AC/DC way back in 1978.  Bon Scott was the singer then, and I immediately become a crash, bang, thud afficiendo.  Bon has long since passed over to the great concert hall in the sky, whilst my head-banging days are equally spent (if I tried to head-bang today, I'd be on the paracetamol faster than you could say "For Those About To Rock, We Salute You).  However, hearing classic tracks  like "Whole Lotta Rosie" (surely the best rock track in the world?), "Shot Down In Flames" and "TNT" really bought those far-off jean-jacket clad days hurtling back at a fair rate of knots.  Of such things memories really are made.

Now then.  My ever-lovely Lottes likes to pay "The Wedge" a visit whenever she's down in these far more clement climes.
She doesn't go for the live bands. 
Oh no.
She does the disco.
The dancing.
The adrenaline rush that is a heady mix of 60's, 70's, 80's and even 90's music. 

She goes with her friends and creates instant memories.

Funny how the same location has such different meanings for the two of us.
Lotte's creates memories: I recreate them.

Or am I just getting old?

Misses and Missus

There are things that all of us must miss in life. 

Some may miss the days when their particular football team were the top dogs in the league.  Some may miss their local picture house showing the latest Hollywood releases.  Some may miss pints of lager after discovering they are gluten intolerant.  Some may simply miss people.  I fall completely and unerringly into the latter group on two fronts.

Firstly, I miss my dad.  He shuffled off this mortal coil (no doubt complaining about the injustice of it all) over a year ago.  I don't miss him in a weepy kind of way.  I miss him when I hear a stunningly good piece of music (something like Adele's "Someone Like You") and want to share.  I miss him when I just want to chat.  I miss him whenever I hear The Carpenters.  I miss him as a man.  I miss him as my dad.

Secondly, I miss my Lottes.  Half of my life is wrapped up in her and it hurts to be so far away.  I can't watch the music channels anymore.  I can't write daft things on the steamed-up windows anymore.  I can't watch 'Friends' anymore.  I can't dance at parties anymore.  I can't share fish fingers and chips anymore.

I still have the most treasured thing in life all wrapped up in the beauty that is "My Steffi", and for that I'll be eternally thankful, but I really can't wait for two thirds of my life to become complete again.  In three short weeks we travel to foreign climes to be as one again, albeit for a ludicrously short time.

The Three Musketeers will ride again, and just in case you're reading this dad, you can be D'Artagnon for the duration!

And another thing...........

We’ve all seen those people to whom the rules don’t apply.  You know the ones I mean:

• The one that doesn’t need to wear a seatbelt – because “they’re for poofs”.
• The one that doesn’t bother using rubbish bins – because “there’s people paid to pick up rubbish”.
• The one that drives and uses a mobile – because “I need to stay in touch”
• The one that walks its Pit Bull terrier without a lead – because “I’m hard”.
• The one that plays its music at an earth shattering decibel rate – because “it’s my right to listen to what I want”
• The one that parks on double yellow lines – because “I’m only gonna be a minute”.
• The one that rides a bicycle with no lights – because “I can see everything well enough”.
• The one that doesn’t pick up dog sh*t – because “it’s dirty and smelly”.
• The one that walks down the street at 2am yelling its head off – because “I’m awake you w**kers”

For all of these people (and possibly a few others I can’t immediately bring to mind), I have a solution.  If the rules don’t apply, I can exact any justice I feel fit.  For example:

• No seat belt.  Easy one this: scrap the car.  If the driver is still in it – well that’s just plain unfortunate.
• The litter lout.  Easy again.  Whatever you drop, you have inserted into whichever orifice we so choose.
• The mobile user.  Try hands free – that’s where you have your bloody arms chopped off.  Now use your phone; let alone drive the car!
• The dog walker.  You get muzzled, impounded for a fortnight, fed Winalot and then, if nobody claims you, you appear on one of those dozy adverts for dog rescue centres.
• The music player. You have your ears pulled off.  And then your music collection is consigned to the deepest pit in the country so that nobody ever has to listen to that crap again.
• The double yellow abuser.  You toe nails are cut with a chain saw.  This would mean you requiring a disabled badge, but due to the fact that your car is now soup cans, you’ll have to pin it to your walking frame.
• The bike ‘no-lighter’.  You are set alight.  Everyone can see you then.
• The shi*t leavers.  We pick it up – you eat it.
• The 2am yeller.  I personally am allowed (because the rules don’t apply) to come down and smash you around the head with a piece of 4x2 until your ears ring.  I’m then allowed to pull your legs off and beat you with the soggy ends.  Once you’re suitably soggy, I can try and push your face through the drain.

Now you lot chose not to abide by the basic rules the rest of us try to live by, therefore you are exempt from the society we try to create.

You cannot seek the services of the police, the ambulance service or the fire brigade, as these are services that we in a civilised society opt to pay for.

You decided to drop out.  You don’t wish to conform.  You simply don’t want to belong.

That’s fine.  Just don’t have the gall to moan if any of the above should happen to you.

Don't call us..........

Phone rings.

WIFE:  It's for you.  It's the bank.

ME: Hello.

BANK: Hello.  We'd like to discuss your account.  Can you verify you are who you say you are?

ME: Can you?

BANK: We don't need to.  We phoned you.

ME: How do I know that?

BANK: Because we phoned you!

ME:  Ahhhhh.  Yes.  But how do I know you're who you say you are?

BANK: We'd just like to discuss your account.  We're Blah-de-blah Bank.

ME: I'm sorry.  Under the Data Protection Act I'm unable to supply you with that information.

BANK: What information?  We just want to talk to you about your account.

ME: I'm sorry.  Under the Data Protection Act I'm unable to supply you with that information.

BANK: Are you being deliberately obtuse?

ME: I'm sorry.  Under the Data Protection Act I'm unable to supply you with that information.

BANK: You really aren't being particularly helpful.  Can you supply us with your password please, so that we can discuss your account?

ME:  No. Under the Data Protection Act I'm unable to supply you with that information.  I can however charge you £20 for this phone call and any additional charges that may occur by me being on the phone and not watching the football as was previously the case.

BANK: Are you being serious?

ME: Yes.  And if you'd like that in writing, a further charge of £20 will be payable.

BANK: Please contact the bank as soon as possible.

Phone goes dead.

WIFE: What did they want.

ME: No idea.  What's the score in the football? 

And this is why it's never a bright, clever or particularly wise thing to do to phone me whilst the football's on!  

Do the shuffle

Is there such a thing as "shuffle" on any form of digital music player?  If I ask my pc to play stuff at random from it's quite considerable library of music, I invariably end up with much the same stuff as the last time I asked.

Is there some kind of malignant virus lurking in the bowels of my HDD that decides (and this is a completely arbitrary affair) that what I really want is yet another offering of Fat Bottomed Girls (the song, I hasten to add) as opposed to, say Chris Isaak's 'Wicked Game'?

This virus (and let's call it Darren, just for the sake of giving it a name) also resides in my I-Phone (Oooo.  Get Me.  I gotta posh gadget.)  The strange thing about this revelation is that I actually created playlists on my phone, and yet Darren still manages to give me Fat Bottomed Girls when I really wanted Thin Lizzy's "Dancing In The Moonlight".

"Delete 'Fat Bottomed Girls'" you say. 
"Righty-o" I say.
"No more 'Fat Bottomed Girls', eh?" you say.
"Nope.  Just endless plays of 'Dancing In The Moonlight'" I say.

This random shuffle thing doesn't really exist.  It's all down to what Darren wants.

• Darren is no fan of classical music, hence Barber's 'Adagio For Strings' never appears on my shuffle. 
• Darren can't spell Tchaikovsky, so that's "The Nutcracker" gone west.
• Darren detests Country & Western (I must admit to feeling some empathy there), but Crystal Gayle has a pretty enough voice and deserves even a modicum of airplay.
• Darren doesn't recall the 'proper' 60's, so he'll only allow "Ferry 'Cross The Mersey" and "Delilah".  Classics such as "Go Now" (the window lickers anthem (private joke - you know who you are)) and "Anyone Who Had A Heart" just gather ether dust.
• Darren must be a proper Queen fan.

Darren does have one redeeming feature:
"Angels" and "I'd Do Anything For Love" have never featured on my shuffle.  (See previous post).

I know I could just delete all the stuff that gets overplayed in shuffle mode, but I also know full well that Darren still wont give me my Adagio, and even worse, I honestly believe that "Fat Bottomed Girls" is indestructible.